When Not Hiking Is the Secret to a Happy Marriage

I am married to an Uber Hiker. Now, Herman will tell you that he’s just your average trekker, but if you’re someone who can hike 10-13 miles in a day and even get out of bed the next morning, you are an Uber Hiker in my book. While I admire the sheer determination and physical athleticism of such a feat (or pardon the pun, feet), I discovered my hiking limits years ago when we visited Glacier National Park.

We decided to hike up to a glacier in the park, sort of in memory of the glaciers we’d seen in Norway when we first got married. As a note of caution, it is not wise to take your in-laws on a honeymoon trip, even if it is the only way to afford seeing such spectacular Norwegian fiords and glaciers, but I digress. The Montana route gave us the choice to either hike six miles or take a boat ride across the lake and connect to the path at the four-mile mark. Well, being the “efficient” hiker that I am, I voted for the boat ride/four-mile hike. Of course, cutting off two miles of an ascending hiking trail comes with consequences.

The trail began on an immediate incline. To make matters worse, the path continued upward along the side of a rock face with full sun exposure (and guess who forgot their sunscreen). Four agonizing miles/hours later, we reached the top. Panting, I sat down on the nearest rock, vowing to fell some trees for an overnight shelter if necessary to avoid the climb back down. Herman surveyed the view and commented, “You know, this glacier isn’t as nice as the once we saw in Norway.”

There was a moment of silence, and as any longtime male spouse or partner knows, that is never a good sign. I fixed Herman with my best glare and said, “THIS is the most BEAUTIFUL glacier you have ever seen in your LIFE!!” Wisely, Herman didn’t dispute my assessment of the scenery, so we took some photos, rested a while, then undertook the return trip down the trail, with my “brakes” (knees) protesting the entire time. When we reached the bottom of the trail, I plunged my head into the glacier-fed lake just to cool off. The next day, Herman suggested we take another hike. Divorce was momentarily on the table, but that’s when the new plan (and the title to this blog) went into action.

This past Friday (March 16), we left our humble abode with the sparking electrical plugs and Hobbit-sized couch in Rotorua to travel to the largest lake by surface area (238 square miles) in New Zealand, Lake Taupo. While Taupo is considered a tourist hotspot, it doesn’t feel that way, at least during this time of year. There was a nice breeze coming off the freshwater lake and, for the most part, the area was very tranquil. The next morning, as we stopped for photos, I watched the people who were strolling/walking/jogging on the trail that ran alongside the lake and thought I could easily get used to this lifestyle.

On Saturday, Saint Patrick’s Day, we drove to Tongariro National Park. This park sits on land that is still volcanically active, and you could see steam vents in a couple of places. We decided to splurge and spend a few nights at the Chateau Tongariro, which has a fantastic view of Mount Ngauruhoe, which was known as Mount Doom (the home of Mordor) in the “Lord of the Rings” movies. Mount Ngauruhoe last erupted in 2012, so the hotel has signs alerting you to the fact that if you hear an alarm, you are to assemble in the reception area. Not sure what happens after that, but my guess would be “abandon ye all hope.” Oh, and our bathroom toilet sounds like a giant cave troll chugging a beer after we flush.

Herman decided to take a 13-mile hike to see the Red Crater and the Emerald Lakes. According to a New Zealand website, “the Emerald Lakes fill explosion craters near the summit of Mount Tongariro. Their brilliant colors are partly caused by dissolved minerals, washed down from the thermal area of nearby Red Crater.” Herman also anticipated getting a mist-free photo of Mount Ngauruhoe, which most of the time tended to wear a crown of clouds. He took off at 6 a.m., leaving me to my own devices for the day. It’s rather chilly in the mornings, here, so I briefly ducked out on a terrace to take a photo of Mount Ngauruhoe, which was, surprisingly, cloud free. This is an important point, as when Herman returned around 3 p.m., he told me that his quest to take photos of the Red Crater and Mount Ngauruhoe without fog had failed. I couldn’t help feeling a bit superior as I showed him my cloud-free photo of Mount Ngauruhoe, and I didn’t even have to leave the hotel. He was not amused.

Please do visit Herman’s photo website to see the photos from this blog page and many others: http://www.hermanator.net/NEW-ZEALAND-2018/MARCH-16-2018-TAUPO/; http://www.hermanator.net/NEW-ZEALAND-2018/MARCH-17-2018-CHATEAU-TONGARIRO/; http://www.hermanator.net/NEW-ZEALAND-2018/MARCH-18-2018-TONGARIRO-CROSSING/.